I really enjoyed reading your story, Amanda, and I was extremely intrigued at the very first line! So much suspense and so many questions that I can't wait to have answered when I read your story later! You did such an excellent job with your introduction and the picture perfectly complemented it, giving a clear visual of who I assume is Carissa. I was a little confused when Lena swapped the girl with a changeling and had to reread the sentence a few times, so it might be helpful to revise that part with a little more explanation on what happened. Just a thought! Also, I loved that instead of sneaking into the castle, Carissa simply cast a spell on the nurse to have her bring the girl out on a walk. That's honestly really smart and realistic, so I enjoyed that part! Overall, really good introduction and I am looking forward to reading more of your writing!
Hey Amanda, Your introduction post was extremely captivating. The way you setup your introduction really makes me want to read more to figure out the meaning behind some of the little clues you left behind. I want to get to know more about Carissa and Lenna, why they are taking the princess, and a lot more. The mood of the introduction was intense and I think you found images that captured that perfectly. I wonder if Lenna is influencing Carissa to do some of the things against Carissa's moral compass? Maybe Carissa will be more protective of the princess (from the king)? The only thing that confuses me a little bit would be with the "Lena" at the end. I'm sure it's supposed to be "Lenna", but if not, is that the name of the princess? It seems like you introduced a new character very briefly right as it ended. This introduction really makes me wonder! Good job and I look forward to reading more.
Wow I love your intro! I'm so excited to see what comes next! First, I love your site so far! Your pictures that you picked are so pretty and intriguing! I also love your nice and clean layout. Very intuitive and clear. Second, the way you described things in the intro was amazing! I could really see the poor old nurse being lured out and Carissa's green eyes. I agree with Katie and Logan; there were some parts where I had to reread sentences because it got confusing about who was doing what and I was also confused about the sudden introduction of Lena and who she was and what she was doing there. More introduction of Lena would be nice if she's going to be an important character! Otherwise, amazing! Eagerly awaiting finding out what's going on with the changeling! Great work with the introduction and a fantastic start to your storybook!
Amanda, I would like to start off by saying that the picture you chose is seriously so powerful! The title of your post caught my eye so I opened it up and saw that picture and it so strong and pretty at the same time. I think the mood the picture sets right off the bad is fitting for the mood of the introduction you wrote. Your intro is like a little tease! Just enough to leave you wanting more and then you just rip out from under us! You left little clues and hints into things that left me super curious! I like the way you wrote and formatted your intro. It is a little different than others I have read so far and I think this way really works! I also just want to say that I really like the layout. It is super neat and clean. I had no problem finding anything. I can’t wait to keep reading to find out what happens!
Hey Amanda! Wow! Your introduction has left me mind boggled and wanting more! I like how your introduction seems to pick up in the middle of the story, and it seems like we are being thrown in the middle of a story without having any background knowledge. The story starts really fast paced and doesn't slow down! I think it's interesting that before we really know what is going on, we learn about what seems will be and is the main conflict: the princess being stolen and the king "getting what he deserved". I am excited to read more of your stories later! While I like that you just throw the reader into what seems like the middle of the story, it is a bit confusing. We don't know who these people are or what they are after and why. I think you purposely did this in order to capture the readers' attention and keep them engaged and wanting to read more. This is a great tactic! I just wish the rest of the story was up already so I could understand what was going on!
Wow, I really enjoyed your story book introduction! I thought that you did a great job at setting the scene for the stories to come! I have so many questions! Like who are Carissa and Lena? What do they want with the baby princess? What did they king do to anger these ladies? What is going to happen? I can say that you did a good job at reeling me in and grabbing my attention. I look forward to seeing how you plan on continuing this story, and what you plan on doing with these characters. I am curious about the story of the little prince that the two ladies tried to take before. I hope that you expand upon that more within your stories because it seemed like an important part of the back story. I think that you have a very strong introduction. You could add a bit more background to the story, but I think that you made it just mysterious enough.
I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I am hooked, and I cannot wait to read the rest! I actually chose your storybook to comment on based on the title alone, so you definitely have an interesting tile that makes people want to read more! Also, I love the picture you chose to go along with your introduction page. It definitely captures the mysterious and dark mood of the story. The picture draws me in right off the bat, before I even read the first line, so that’s really cool! I have one suggestion that could make the introduction even more attention grabbing: What if you started with the paragraph where Carissa says: "You realize we only have three more weeks to acquire the girl?" Then you could put the opening paragraph after to help explain context. Just a suggestion, but your story is really strong already! Great job!
Hey looks like I am back again! I liked your intro before, but the revisions definitely made it so much better! It's much more clear this time, and I understand who Lena is and more of why the faeries want the princess. I also liked the additional details of how she got the nurse to come to them and more characterization of Clarissa and Lena. They seem even more sinister this time! I also liked the mention of iron and using that to keep the faeries out! The queen is more fleshed out this time too and I like how the two faeries seem very scared of her. Are we going to get the complete backstory in the later stories? I am very excited to find out what happened to the prince before and why they want the princess! Great intro and looking forward to the rest of the storybook!
Your intro is awesome, Amanda! I love how narrative it is. You have so many moving pieces in it too, but you seem to be handling them really well! I'm truly very curious about all of your characters and the society you've set up. First off, I love both of the pictures you have posted so far. They're beautiful and very mystical! They really help to set the tone. Second, I like your characters names. I love picking names for stories, so I'm very interested to find out what both the real princess's and fake princess's names are. I hope you go back to both of them in future stories as well. Finally, I like the backstory you've already hinted at in your tale. It seems like you've got a lot of good history planned and the abundant opportunity for secrets to be revealed. I wish you the best of luck, and I can hardly wait for the next installment.
Hi Amanda! I'm interested to see what you're going to do with this story. There's a lot of backstory going on which seems like it will be incredibly helpful when it is time to read your story book entries. I like how you've mentioned certain characters such as the Faerie Queen and given them some motives without giving reasons behind the motives. It keeps me interested to find out why! As for the story as a whole, like I said, I like the story you have laid out, but it does not really give much of an indication as to where the story is header or what the reader can expect. I wish I had at least I said something beyond knowing that there's princess captured, being taken out of the Human World. Maybe just a hint at the purpose of capturing the child would help. Overall, great job! I look forward to seeing how the story unfolds.
First of all, the images you chose are very captivating. I love them so much! The aesthetics of your project are perfect. There are a few grammar errors I noticed (missing commas/run-ons), so I would reread the introduction just to check! I love the mysterious tone you set within the story. I enjoyed your little details you included like Lena's "perfectly arched eyebrow." There was good indirect characterization; I could easily figure out the personalities of your character's just through their interactions with each other and physical descriptions. I was a little confused when Lena made the switch of the two girls, so there could be a little more description in that part. I think your intro ended very strongly. It definitely made me want to read your stories to follow! I am excited to see what happens with the princess, and I am really hoping for a happy ending!
Great story but just one place that it does not flow well. The girl was their last chance and Carissa would not fail with her. ==> Sounds very interesting but I would expand it just a tad to let the reader understand what is at stake. It might be the line before this that is causing the problem but I feel like this is the only area needing improvement. Will we get to learn more about Carissa’s and Lena’s backstory? If not I would add that to your intro. Same goes with my they needed the prince and why they were unsuccessful on capturing him. I do not know what the next story is but it might be nice for you to lead us into it, unless you already have and it’s about them going back to their land. Great story and I can't wait to see how it develops!
Great job on your introduction! It was very intriguing and kept me hooked the entire time I was reading. I'm assuming you are going to go into more detail as to why they wanted to steal the child in your later stories? I was also curious as to why the boy they tried to steal earlier was now too old? But again I know you are probably going to answer these questions later on! However, it was a little confusing on who they swapped out for the child. Did they replace her with a faerie child? Or what exactly is a changeling? These were just some slight confusions I had, but overall you wrote a really captivating intro! You definitely kept the reader wanting to know more! I also really liked your choice of image. I think it was very fitting for your main character and fit the description you gave well! Good work!
I was so excited to find that when I checked, you'd put up another story. I love the name Keaira too! I'm curious as to why you picked it and if the name's meaning will come into play. I'm definitely curious as to who the random person in the woods is. I'm hoping he'll at least be able to update me on what is happening with the fake princess. There were a few things that concerned me though. I found it odd that Keaira considered Carissa a friend and not a mother. Hasn't she been the one raising her this whole time? But the biggest thing was the skin color issue. As sad as I am that there aren't any black fairies in your world, I was more confused about Keira's own description. Is a changeling a type of fairy? If Keaira has dark skin, and the fake princess is a fairy, and fairies only have light skin, why couldn't her parents tell she'd been replaced? It seems like a pretty obvious thing to miss. Has there been a massive hunt for the princess or did the changeling baby somehow know to shift her appearance to the real princess and never go back? Also, in the first story, you said baby Keaira had blue eyes. Is this a mistake or did her eyes (and skin) change color to be "just as dark" as her skin? Or is her skin blue? Regardless, I liked the update, and I'm excited to read more!
Hello! I think you’re doing a terrific job with your storybook! I’m actually anxious to come back and read more as the story develops. I’ve been interested in most of the storybook projects I’ve looked at but this one honestly has me anxious to read more and figure out what happens. Who is the man?! I have an assumption but I’ll keep it to myself so as not to ruin a big surprise. I really don’t have too much as far as critiquing goes, except to maybe go back and proof read one more time. There were a couple of sentences that seem to be worded weird and I’m not 100% sure what they’re supposed to say. Keaira simply yawned and allowed herself to taken home. >> On this one I assume you meant to say “…allowed herself to BE taken home.” She eyes were just as dark, and her hair was pitch black. >> This was the one that I really didn’t understand what you meant to write. So, maybe just read it and make sure it says what you wanted it to. The pictures you’ve used so far are magnificent and I think the layout of the page looks really great! I’m honestly looking forward to reading more from your storybook. I can’t wait for the second story!
Hi Amanda! I'm definitely interested in your story; the introduction was pretty intriguing and made me wonder why the children were so important to those two characters.
I enjoyed how you described the dancing! I could imagine it well and the imagery was very nice and descriptive.
"She had the same passion, same joy as they. " --> "She had the same passion and the same joy as them". I'm not sure about the they/them part, but I think that would flow more smoothly.
"She eyes were just as dark, and her hair was pitch black." I think you meant "her" instead of "she".
I am really curious about the queen and her revenge on the king, so I'm really looking forward to that! I really feel for the main character and you did well to describe that disconnect she feels from everyone and everything. I feel like I can understand her emotions. I also like Carissa's struggle; of course it would be hard to not grow attached after all those years.
Hey, I'm back again! I really love your newest story! It does a good job of picking up the story where it left off as well as introducing the new plot twists. I am so curious to find out why the queen stole the child and why they want revenge so bad on the king! It seems so odd to steal a child for revenge and basically give her a happy childhood. Is the man she meets at the end her brother? I have so many predictions about the story and really want to know what happens next! You have a knack for writing cliffhangers! I noticed a few grammatical errors but I see others have already pointed them out so I won't repeat them. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and am very excited to see what happens next! I really like your choices of pictures too! They're all very pretty and definitely give off a mysterious fairy vibe.
Hey Amanda! I really enjoy reading your storybook! I was excited to see there was another section added to your story since the last time I read it! I really enjoy the direction the story is going. It is mysterious and somewhat eerie! I like that we know the story of Keaira's past while she does not. I like that we get to see different perspectives from the characters, Carissa and Keaira. I also like how the reader isn't too much more informed than Keaira. It helps us really relate to what she is going through. There was one grammatical error I found. It was near the middle of the story. "She eyes were just as dark..." Other than that, your story was amazing and I loved reading it! I recently added music to my pages, and I have read another story that has music with the story. I think it really adds a nice touch, and I would suggest you considering it in your next revision! I think there could be some great music out there to help portray the characters' feelings and emotions!
Hello Amanda! I really enjoyed reading your first story. It was exciting enough to make me want to come back and read the latter additions. Your style of dialogue is very good and holds the readers attention. The only part I found myself confused was, “Carissa looked away from Queen Maeve's discerning eyes. "She is beginning to notice more differences between herself and the faeries and it worries her. And myself. She continues to ask questions and I am running short on answers for her." I was not sure if Carissa was talking to herself or actually talking to someone? I really like how you portrayed inner monologue like this part, “Carissa is my friend, she would tell herself. She's looked after me and protected me my whole life. She wouldn't lie to me.” This shows another perspective on the character and gives the reader a deeper look into how they behave. Try to keep doing this in your next additions!
Hey, back again! I swear I get your storybook almost every other week! But anyway, I love the newest addition to your story! It's nice seeing Keaira's journey to the village and hopefully discovering more of herself. How many stories do you plan on writing? I could easily see this going on for many more stories, but I would really hope to see a resolution before the end of the year! I think Kaiden is Keaira's brother right, but then is Brianna the changeling sister? Or is she dating Kaiden? She seems like she's set up to be the villain, but I like that you even chose a good symbolic name for her. Again, great picture for the story, but that seems like a very luxurious village. It almost looks more like a city! Is it just Keaira's limited perspective that makes her think the village is more grand than it actually is?
You have a powerful mix of ambiguity and action, leading into a mixed view of the protagonist and the true nature of the conflict. I like this approach, and I expect these questions to be answered in the stories. Although, I think you might be being too vague on some things; we know absolutely nothing about these changeling people (I assume) or the royal family, and I think that might be important for new readers so that they have a reason to care. Even just an implication of the changeling peoples' situation would help. Aside from that, no complaints.
IN THE FOREST:
The beginning imagery was attractive, which I'm always fond of, putting our characters in a world rather than merely a story.
Queen Maeve and Keaira are compelling as characters, with Maeve being my favorite for her sheer mood whiplash. Unfortunately, that leads me into a problem that prevents hers Carissa's conflicts from being as powerful: we still have no implication about what the king has done to rile the changelings and those consequences, and I'm getting a mite annoyed.
"So lost in thought," assumes that she was lost in thought before, which was not stated.
Nonetheless, still a fascinating situation with good narrative enigmas. But mysteries are only compelling if you keep learning more about them at a consistent speed.
Amanda, what a great storybook you have going. It’s so interesting to read about! I’ve never heard about changelings, but it makes sense now why they called that Angelina Jolie movie changeling. I understand why the faeries switch faery children for human children, however, I don’t understand how. Do faeries not have emotional attachments to their children? Or where do the faery children come from? Anyways, I really don’t have much feedback because I love your story so much, however there was one place where you left our quotation marks, during the dialogue. It was the part where Kaiden says “follow me.” The story is very direct and the pace is great. It would also be nice to describe each character’s physical appearance more so we can get a visual. Because I get that the faery child can look like humans, but dos Keaira look anything like like her “adopted” mom? Other than that, this book is great!
Wow, I really enjoyed the introduction to your story. You have a special way that captures attention and that is something that is not always the easiest thing to conquer. I also appreciate your visuals you used that captured the audience. I think the visuals you used correlated so well with your story.
What if you could expand on this story a little. I know myself and a few other readers would love it if you expanded on the back story. I think there could be a little more introduction and story behind the the baby princess, Carissa and Lena.
I wonder if you will expand on the story and write more! I think this story is so well thought out but has some room to grow. Well done and I hope you have had a great time writing stories throughout the rest of the semester. Keep up the good work!
I was beyond excited to see that you had updated and added Into the Village. There were a few bits I found a little questionable. This one is super small, but I found how much Kaiden was pushing the meat on her a little offputting. Despite being a vegetarian, most people who comment on my diet make remarks about how they couldn't do it and not how I should conform to their choices. Also, I found that the village only being a 30 minute walk away was a little unbelievable, especially if Keaira is free to roam. If you give Kaiden a horse, and they ride it into town, it would make much more sense that she wouldn't have been able to get that far/find it on her own. Especially if this is the palace/capital town. I think you should definitely focus on the similarities between Brianna and Keaira a little bit more since Brianna is the replacement heir. I'm super glad you cleared up the changeling stuff in your author's note though! However why was Brianna wandering through town alone? I'm super curious to find out about her and whether or not she knows she's not human/the princess. But I enjoyed this section, even if it felt way too short. I'm very interested to see where you are going! I'll definitely be back for your next update!
Hi Amanda!! I was caught by the title of your storybook and am glad that I chose yours for my free choice! A job well done with the overall concept of your stories. The introduction had me intrigued about why she was being stolen and even the first story reeled me in some more. I also like the idea of changelings, because we really don't hear much about those stories and especially the stolen human like you mentioned. One thing I would actually fix would be the time frame of how old she is and the way she seems in the introduction. I was pretty confused why they had swapped places when they normally just keep them after stealing them, unless it was because the other girl was already a changeling? And for changing the time frame, it is because in the intro it seemed like she was a tad older, like around post toddler years, maybe around 7-9? Yet the first story mentions 15 years later and her only turning 16, so she basically was taken at one years old. Just the clarification would be nice. Overall, I love your storybook! I'll definitely come back for more when I can!
Hi, Amanda! I absolutely love this storybook. I was honestly so sad that there were not more stories for me to read. I didn't want it to end. I cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook when you finish. The topic really drew me in and I was instantly mesmerized. While the story of a stolen princess has been told before, you made it unique in that the kingdom did not look for her because of the changeling. I was a little confused about the timeline of everything. It the second story, you mentioned that it was 15 years later and she was almost 16. However, in the introduction, you somehow made her seem like she was older than an infant. You may also want to give the story another read through aloud. I wasn't really searching for any typos but I did find one: "he began to led her through." I think you meant, "he began to lead her through." Other than that, the stories were absolutely wonderful. Great storybook!
Hi Amanda! I really enjoyed reading your story! The introduction was so interesting. It sets up the story really well. Right away I want to keep reading and wanting to know more. I kept asking questions to myself throughout reading because I was so interested. The reason I chose to read your story was because I love stories about princesses and as soon as I clicked on your storybook, your pictures drew me in. The way everything is set it s really organized and clean. The pictures work great with the story. I think the only thing I would suggest if spell checking. I was not intentionally looking for any sort of typos but just had caught some. That is something I also need to work on. And also just going with a clear timeline. The timeline of the stories threw me off a little but I am sure I understand what you were going for.
Hey Amanda! I read your story a few weeks ago! I love the addition you added at the end of the second story! I love that you ended the story on such a cliff hanger. The guy that looks like Keaira and appears to be more similar to her than her family! I like how this story has a Disney's Tangled feel to it! As I am reading, I am excited to see where the town is and what she thinks! I love how the story is set up for love! I always enjoy reading a story with a love component. I just hope these two aren't brother and sister...I really enjoyed reading your story, and I can't wait to get to read the last part! I like how you have a mix of stories influencing the story you are writing! I haven't read any of those stories, but I think I would like to now!
Hey Amanda, I loved your introduction!! I had not gotten the chance to read it yet or any of your stories. You definitely made me start wondering more and more about your stories. What happened before the introduction? I feel as if you did a great job starting off with some type of mystery that really made me want to keep reading more. I also enjoyed how organized your storybook was as well. I thought that it was easy to navigate and fit the theme very well. If I was to make any changed I would just revise and read things out loud. One of your first lines in the story sounded a bit odd when I read it out loud, but other than that I didn't notice too much of anything else. I would also maybe add a character introduction, just so we know who to expect in the stories to come? I find it easier to have character descriptions. Anyways, I hope I am able to read more of your storybooks. Great job!
I’m glad I got to come back to this story. I loved the way its developed and it is so dramatic! I like the little cliff hangers as well because it just makes it all the more interesting. I really like that we can get into her thoughts too and you distinguish that by adding italics. Are you going to write a fourth story? I would love to read about what happens to the boy and Keaira. There were some places where commas weren’t necessary. For example, the last sentence of the first paragraph, there doesn’t need to be a comma before when. If you want to break it up just delete the comma and when, since “suddenly…” can stand on its own. And maybe instead of “protections,” use the word “precautions,” of course these are just suggestions. Other than that this story has turned out so great! Good luck!
Hi Amanda! I was so glad to see that you had posted a new story so I could read it for my free choice this week. So! Let's start. I'm not sure if it was just me, but I got a little bit confused when Carissa ran off to tell the Queen. For a moment, I thought Keaira was doing that. I may have just gotten too excited and read fast, but it would be worth reading over again just to see if there are any extra character markers you can throw in there. I liked the Queen's castle and name. However I again was a bit confused during their discussion. Breen is Brianna right? Is that her fairy name versus her imposter princess name? Should Keaira really be Brianna then? And was the boy Keaira met her brother? Because to me, it initially felt more like a love interest set-up than a missing sibling meeting. I also would love just a bit more about whatever land deal the king made with the fairies, unless it would spoil your future plans. Regardless, I was very intrigued by this entry, and I am very excited to see what happens next. I'll be back again soon!
I read your story introduction the first week and I am really glad that I came back to it. I really enjoyed getting back into your story and find out more about why the princess was stolen. I must say I really enjoyed what I read and thought you did a good job at creating your story. You did a good job and building your character and your world in such a small amount of words. The story was so much fun to read. I am glad that I waited to read your story now because I don’t think I would have wanted to wait a few weeks to get the next part of the story. I guess I do have to wait to get the ending, but that won’t be too bad. I think that over all everything was well written and well paced. Everything flowed nicely together and it was a very good read.
Hey Amanda! It's always a pleasure to read more of your story! Every time I read some, I can't wait to read more! I am very sad that the prince is Keaira's brother! I was hoping he could be a love interest. I do suppose it adds to the irony though. She meets another human that looks just like her because he is actually her brother. I don't quite understand the part about Breen and the beloved princess Brianna. Is this a new character? Or should I know this character? It's been a while since I read the first parts, but I don't remember a Breen. I hope you are planning on writing another section to finish up the story so I can find out what happens in the end! I hope the king doesn't get assassinated. Is Breen a faerie that is disguised as a human to assassinate the king? That would make sense if that were the case! Awesome job!
Amanda, I really enjoyed your writing! I am sad that it is now week 15 and I am just now starting to see what an amazing writer you are. You have an ability to write a story with so much suspense – I know that as a writer that is super hard to do and I am taking notes out of your page! I would love to get to know Lenna and Carissa better and their motives behind snatching this poor princess! I think there could be more descriptions about them because the rest of your story is so vivid and well thought out. I think that you did a great job and looking through the rest of your storybook from this semester you seem to have put a lot of thought into what you are writing. Congrats and well done! You have so much to be proud of from this semester, Amanda! Erin
First off, great introduction! It really captures the readers’ attention. At first, I thought I was reading the story and not the intro, but then I quickly realized. It made me want to keep reading. You used great imagery and details throughout the story.
I can’t think of anything that I would suggest changing. It seems like at this point in the semester, most things should be ironed out by now. The story has a great flow to it. There’s lots of emotion throughout. You can definitely feel the confusion in Keaira and Carissa. I like that you had Carissa begin to get attached to Keaira. After 15 years, I think that would be difficult not to. I hope they both get a happy ending in the end. Great work with your story! I look forward to reading the final story! Keep up the great work.
I am so glad I was able to finish reading your story. I think that you did sucha good job with your story book, and I really enjoyed reading all of it. I liked how suspenseful the last story was. I think that your writing style is similar to some of the authors I like to read. That is probably why I have loved reading your stories this semester. I think for the last story, before the prince comes in and confronts the changeling, there needs to be some more incriminating dialogue between breen and keaira. I think that what breen said before the prince comes in isn’t enough for him to automatically distrust her, especially since he thought she was his sister his whole live. Maybe have her explicitly say what she is planning to do to the prince, that way he has some solid reason to believe she is not who she says she is. Other than that I thought it was an overall good story!
I really enjoyed reading your story, Amanda, and I was extremely intrigued at the very first line! So much suspense and so many questions that I can't wait to have answered when I read your story later! You did such an excellent job with your introduction and the picture perfectly complemented it, giving a clear visual of who I assume is Carissa.
ReplyDeleteI was a little confused when Lena swapped the girl with a changeling and had to reread the sentence a few times, so it might be helpful to revise that part with a little more explanation on what happened. Just a thought!
Also, I loved that instead of sneaking into the castle, Carissa simply cast a spell on the nurse to have her bring the girl out on a walk. That's honestly really smart and realistic, so I enjoyed that part!
Overall, really good introduction and I am looking forward to reading more of your writing!
Hey Amanda,
ReplyDeleteYour introduction post was extremely captivating. The way you setup your introduction really makes me want to read more to figure out the meaning behind some of the little clues you left behind. I want to get to know more about Carissa and Lenna, why they are taking the princess, and a lot more. The mood of the introduction was intense and I think you found images that captured that perfectly. I wonder if Lenna is influencing Carissa to do some of the things against Carissa's moral compass? Maybe Carissa will be more protective of the princess (from the king)? The only thing that confuses me a little bit would be with the "Lena" at the end. I'm sure it's supposed to be "Lenna", but if not, is that the name of the princess? It seems like you introduced a new character very briefly right as it ended.
This introduction really makes me wonder! Good job and I look forward to reading more.
Wow I love your intro! I'm so excited to see what comes next! First, I love your site so far! Your pictures that you picked are so pretty and intriguing! I also love your nice and clean layout. Very intuitive and clear. Second, the way you described things in the intro was amazing! I could really see the poor old nurse being lured out and Carissa's green eyes. I agree with Katie and Logan; there were some parts where I had to reread sentences because it got confusing about who was doing what and I was also confused about the sudden introduction of Lena and who she was and what she was doing there. More introduction of Lena would be nice if she's going to be an important character! Otherwise, amazing! Eagerly awaiting finding out what's going on with the changeling! Great work with the introduction and a fantastic start to your storybook!
ReplyDeleteAmanda, I would like to start off by saying that the picture you chose is seriously so powerful! The title of your post caught my eye so I opened it up and saw that picture and it so strong and pretty at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI think the mood the picture sets right off the bad is fitting for the mood of the introduction you wrote. Your intro is like a little tease! Just enough to leave you wanting more and then you just rip out from under us! You left little clues and hints into things that left me super curious! I like the way you wrote and formatted your intro. It is a little different than others I have read so far and I think this way really works!
I also just want to say that I really like the layout. It is super neat and clean. I had no problem finding anything. I can’t wait to keep reading to find out what happens!
Hey Amanda! Wow! Your introduction has left me mind boggled and wanting more! I like how your introduction seems to pick up in the middle of the story, and it seems like we are being thrown in the middle of a story without having any background knowledge. The story starts really fast paced and doesn't slow down! I think it's interesting that before we really know what is going on, we learn about what seems will be and is the main conflict: the princess being stolen and the king "getting what he deserved". I am excited to read more of your stories later!
ReplyDeleteWhile I like that you just throw the reader into what seems like the middle of the story, it is a bit confusing. We don't know who these people are or what they are after and why. I think you purposely did this in order to capture the readers' attention and keep them engaged and wanting to read more. This is a great tactic! I just wish the rest of the story was up already so I could understand what was going on!
Wow, I really enjoyed your story book introduction! I thought that you did a great job at setting the scene for the stories to come! I have so many questions! Like who are Carissa and Lena? What do they want with the baby princess? What did they king do to anger these ladies? What is going to happen? I can say that you did a good job at reeling me in and grabbing my attention. I look forward to seeing how you plan on continuing this story, and what you plan on doing with these characters. I am curious about the story of the little prince that the two ladies tried to take before. I hope that you expand upon that more within your stories because it seemed like an important part of the back story. I think that you have a very strong introduction. You could add a bit more background to the story, but I think that you made it just mysterious enough.
ReplyDeleteHi Amanda!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your introduction. I am hooked, and I cannot wait to read the rest! I actually chose your storybook to comment on based on the title alone, so you definitely have an interesting tile that makes people want to read more! Also, I love the picture you chose to go along with your introduction page. It definitely captures the mysterious and dark mood of the story. The picture draws me in right off the bat, before I even read the first line, so that’s really cool! I have one suggestion that could make the introduction even more attention grabbing: What if you started with the paragraph where Carissa says: "You realize we only have three more weeks to acquire the girl?" Then you could put the opening paragraph after to help explain context. Just a suggestion, but your story is really strong already! Great job!
Hey looks like I am back again! I liked your intro before, but the revisions definitely made it so much better! It's much more clear this time, and I understand who Lena is and more of why the faeries want the princess. I also liked the additional details of how she got the nurse to come to them and more characterization of Clarissa and Lena. They seem even more sinister this time! I also liked the mention of iron and using that to keep the faeries out! The queen is more fleshed out this time too and I like how the two faeries seem very scared of her. Are we going to get the complete backstory in the later stories? I am very excited to find out what happened to the prince before and why they want the princess! Great intro and looking forward to the rest of the storybook!
ReplyDeleteYour intro is awesome, Amanda! I love how narrative it is. You have so many moving pieces in it too, but you seem to be handling them really well! I'm truly very curious about all of your characters and the society you've set up.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love both of the pictures you have posted so far. They're beautiful and very mystical! They really help to set the tone.
Second, I like your characters names. I love picking names for stories, so I'm very interested to find out what both the real princess's and fake princess's names are. I hope you go back to both of them in future stories as well.
Finally, I like the backstory you've already hinted at in your tale. It seems like you've got a lot of good history planned and the abundant opportunity for secrets to be revealed.
I wish you the best of luck, and I can hardly wait for the next installment.
Hi Amanda! I'm interested to see what you're going to do with this story. There's a lot of backstory going on which seems like it will be incredibly helpful when it is time to read your story book entries. I like how you've mentioned certain characters such as the Faerie Queen and given them some motives without giving reasons behind the motives. It keeps me interested to find out why!
ReplyDeleteAs for the story as a whole, like I said, I like the story you have laid out, but it does not really give much of an indication as to where the story is header or what the reader can expect. I wish I had at least I said something beyond knowing that there's princess captured, being taken out of the Human World. Maybe just a hint at the purpose of capturing the child would help.
Overall, great job! I look forward to seeing how the story unfolds.
First of all, the images you chose are very captivating. I love them so much! The aesthetics of your project are perfect. There are a few grammar errors I noticed (missing commas/run-ons), so I would reread the introduction just to check! I love the mysterious tone you set within the story. I enjoyed your little details you included like Lena's "perfectly arched eyebrow." There was good indirect characterization; I could easily figure out the personalities of your character's just through their interactions with each other and physical descriptions. I was a little confused when Lena made the switch of the two girls, so there could be a little more description in that part. I think your intro ended very strongly. It definitely made me want to read your stories to follow! I am excited to see what happens with the princess, and I am really hoping for a happy ending!
ReplyDeleteGreat story but just one place that it does not flow well.
ReplyDeleteThe girl was their last chance and Carissa would not fail with her. ==> Sounds very interesting but I would expand it just a tad to let the reader understand what is at stake. It might be the line before this that is causing the problem but I feel like this is the only area needing improvement.
Will we get to learn more about Carissa’s and Lena’s backstory? If not I would add that to your intro. Same goes with my they needed the prince and why they were unsuccessful on capturing him. I do not know what the next story is but it might be nice for you to lead us into it, unless you already have and it’s about them going back to their land. Great story and I can't wait to see how it develops!
Great job on your introduction! It was very intriguing and kept me hooked the entire time I was reading. I'm assuming you are going to go into more detail as to why they wanted to steal the child in your later stories? I was also curious as to why the boy they tried to steal earlier was now too old? But again I know you are probably going to answer these questions later on! However, it was a little confusing on who they swapped out for the child. Did they replace her with a faerie child? Or what exactly is a changeling? These were just some slight confusions I had, but overall you wrote a really captivating intro! You definitely kept the reader wanting to know more! I also really liked your choice of image. I think it was very fitting for your main character and fit the description you gave well! Good work!
ReplyDeleteI was so excited to find that when I checked, you'd put up another story. I love the name Keaira too! I'm curious as to why you picked it and if the name's meaning will come into play. I'm definitely curious as to who the random person in the woods is. I'm hoping he'll at least be able to update me on what is happening with the fake princess.
ReplyDeleteThere were a few things that concerned me though. I found it odd that Keaira considered Carissa a friend and not a mother. Hasn't she been the one raising her this whole time?
But the biggest thing was the skin color issue. As sad as I am that there aren't any black fairies in your world, I was more confused about Keira's own description. Is a changeling a type of fairy? If Keaira has dark skin, and the fake princess is a fairy, and fairies only have light skin, why couldn't her parents tell she'd been replaced? It seems like a pretty obvious thing to miss. Has there been a massive hunt for the princess or did the changeling baby somehow know to shift her appearance to the real princess and never go back? Also, in the first story, you said baby Keaira had blue eyes. Is this a mistake or did her eyes (and skin) change color to be "just as dark" as her skin? Or is her skin blue?
Regardless, I liked the update, and I'm excited to read more!
Hello! I think you’re doing a terrific job with your storybook! I’m actually anxious to come back and read more as the story develops. I’ve been interested in most of the storybook projects I’ve looked at but this one honestly has me anxious to read more and figure out what happens. Who is the man?! I have an assumption but I’ll keep it to myself so as not to ruin a big surprise. I really don’t have too much as far as critiquing goes, except to maybe go back and proof read one more time. There were a couple of sentences that seem to be worded weird and I’m not 100% sure what they’re supposed to say.
ReplyDeleteKeaira simply yawned and allowed herself to taken home. >> On this one I assume you meant to say “…allowed herself to BE taken home.”
She eyes were just as dark, and her hair was pitch black. >> This was the one that I really didn’t understand what you meant to write. So, maybe just read it and make sure it says what you wanted it to.
The pictures you’ve used so far are magnificent and I think the layout of the page looks really great! I’m honestly looking forward to reading more from your storybook. I can’t wait for the second story!
Hi Amanda! I'm definitely interested in your story; the introduction was pretty intriguing and made me wonder why the children were so important to those two characters.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how you described the dancing! I could imagine it well and the imagery was very nice and descriptive.
"She had the same passion, same joy as they. " --> "She had the same passion and the same joy as them". I'm not sure about the they/them part, but I think that would flow more smoothly.
"She eyes were just as dark, and her hair was pitch black." I think you meant "her" instead of "she".
I am really curious about the queen and her revenge on the king, so I'm really looking forward to that! I really feel for the main character and you did well to describe that disconnect she feels from everyone and everything. I feel like I can understand her emotions. I also like Carissa's struggle; of course it would be hard to not grow attached after all those years.
Good job as always!
Hey, I'm back again! I really love your newest story! It does a good job of picking up the story where it left off as well as introducing the new plot twists. I am so curious to find out why the queen stole the child and why they want revenge so bad on the king! It seems so odd to steal a child for revenge and basically give her a happy childhood. Is the man she meets at the end her brother? I have so many predictions about the story and really want to know what happens next! You have a knack for writing cliffhangers! I noticed a few grammatical errors but I see others have already pointed them out so I won't repeat them. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and am very excited to see what happens next! I really like your choices of pictures too! They're all very pretty and definitely give off a mysterious fairy vibe.
ReplyDeleteHey Amanda! I really enjoy reading your storybook! I was excited to see there was another section added to your story since the last time I read it! I really enjoy the direction the story is going. It is mysterious and somewhat eerie! I like that we know the story of Keaira's past while she does not. I like that we get to see different perspectives from the characters, Carissa and Keaira.
ReplyDeleteI also like how the reader isn't too much more informed than Keaira. It helps us really relate to what she is going through.
There was one grammatical error I found. It was near the middle of the story. "She eyes were just as dark..." Other than that, your story was amazing and I loved reading it!
I recently added music to my pages, and I have read another story that has music with the story. I think it really adds a nice touch, and I would suggest you considering it in your next revision! I think there could be some great music out there to help portray the characters' feelings and emotions!
Hello Amanda! I really enjoyed reading your first story. It was exciting enough to make me want to come back and read the latter additions. Your style of dialogue is very good and holds the readers attention. The only part I found myself confused was, “Carissa looked away from Queen Maeve's discerning eyes. "She is beginning to notice more differences between herself and the faeries and it worries her. And myself. She continues to ask questions and I am running short on answers for her." I was not sure if Carissa was talking to herself or actually talking to someone?
ReplyDeleteI really like how you portrayed inner monologue like this part, “Carissa is my friend, she would tell herself. She's looked after me and protected me my whole life. She wouldn't lie to me.” This shows another perspective on the character and gives the reader a deeper look into how they behave. Try to keep doing this in your next additions!
Hey, back again! I swear I get your storybook almost every other week! But anyway, I love the newest addition to your story! It's nice seeing Keaira's journey to the village and hopefully discovering more of herself. How many stories do you plan on writing? I could easily see this going on for many more stories, but I would really hope to see a resolution before the end of the year! I think Kaiden is Keaira's brother right, but then is Brianna the changeling sister? Or is she dating Kaiden? She seems like she's set up to be the villain, but I like that you even chose a good symbolic name for her. Again, great picture for the story, but that seems like a very luxurious village. It almost looks more like a city! Is it just Keaira's limited perspective that makes her think the village is more grand than it actually is?
ReplyDeleteINTRODUCTION:
ReplyDeleteYou have a powerful mix of ambiguity and action, leading into a mixed view of the protagonist and the true nature of the conflict. I like this approach, and I expect these questions to be answered in the stories. Although, I think you might be being too vague on some things; we know absolutely nothing about these changeling people (I assume) or the royal family, and I think that might be important for new readers so that they have a reason to care. Even just an implication of the changeling peoples' situation would help. Aside from that, no complaints.
IN THE FOREST:
The beginning imagery was attractive, which I'm always fond of, putting our characters in a world rather than merely a story.
Queen Maeve and Keaira are compelling as characters, with Maeve being my favorite for her sheer mood whiplash. Unfortunately, that leads me into a problem that prevents hers Carissa's conflicts from being as powerful: we still have no implication about what the king has done to rile the changelings and those consequences, and I'm getting a mite annoyed.
"So lost in thought," assumes that she was lost in thought before, which was not stated.
Nonetheless, still a fascinating situation with good narrative enigmas. But mysteries are only compelling if you keep learning more about them at a consistent speed.
Amanda, what a great storybook you have going. It’s so interesting to read about! I’ve never heard about changelings, but it makes sense now why they called that Angelina Jolie movie changeling. I understand why the faeries switch faery children for human children, however, I don’t understand how. Do faeries not have emotional attachments to their children? Or where do the faery children come from? Anyways, I really don’t have much feedback because I love your story so much, however there was one place where you left our quotation marks, during the dialogue. It was the part where Kaiden says “follow me.” The story is very direct and the pace is great. It would also be nice to describe each character’s physical appearance more so we can get a visual. Because I get that the faery child can look like humans, but dos Keaira look anything like like her “adopted” mom? Other than that, this book is great!
ReplyDeleteWow, I really enjoyed the introduction to your story. You have a special way that captures attention and that is something that is not always the easiest thing to conquer. I also appreciate your visuals you used that captured the audience. I think the visuals you used correlated so well with your story.
ReplyDeleteWhat if you could expand on this story a little. I know myself and a few other readers would love it if you expanded on the back story. I think there could be a little more introduction and story behind the the baby princess, Carissa and Lena.
I wonder if you will expand on the story and write more! I think this story is so well thought out but has some room to grow. Well done and I hope you have had a great time writing stories throughout the rest of the semester. Keep up the good work!
I was beyond excited to see that you had updated and added Into the Village.
ReplyDeleteThere were a few bits I found a little questionable. This one is super small, but I found how much Kaiden was pushing the meat on her a little offputting. Despite being a vegetarian, most people who comment on my diet make remarks about how they couldn't do it and not how I should conform to their choices.
Also, I found that the village only being a 30 minute walk away was a little unbelievable, especially if Keaira is free to roam. If you give Kaiden a horse, and they ride it into town, it would make much more sense that she wouldn't have been able to get that far/find it on her own. Especially if this is the palace/capital town.
I think you should definitely focus on the similarities between Brianna and Keaira a little bit more since Brianna is the replacement heir. I'm super glad you cleared up the changeling stuff in your author's note though! However why was Brianna wandering through town alone? I'm super curious to find out about her and whether or not she knows she's not human/the princess.
But I enjoyed this section, even if it felt way too short. I'm very interested to see where you are going! I'll definitely be back for your next update!
Hi Amanda!! I was caught by the title of your storybook and am glad that I chose yours for my free choice! A job well done with the overall concept of your stories. The introduction had me intrigued about why she was being stolen and even the first story reeled me in some more. I also like the idea of changelings, because we really don't hear much about those stories and especially the stolen human like you mentioned. One thing I would actually fix would be the time frame of how old she is and the way she seems in the introduction. I was pretty confused why they had swapped places when they normally just keep them after stealing them, unless it was because the other girl was already a changeling? And for changing the time frame, it is because in the intro it seemed like she was a tad older, like around post toddler years, maybe around 7-9? Yet the first story mentions 15 years later and her only turning 16, so she basically was taken at one years old. Just the clarification would be nice. Overall, I love your storybook! I'll definitely come back for more when I can!
ReplyDeleteHi, Amanda! I absolutely love this storybook. I was honestly so sad that there were not more stories for me to read. I didn't want it to end. I cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook when you finish. The topic really drew me in and I was instantly mesmerized. While the story of a stolen princess has been told before, you made it unique in that the kingdom did not look for her because of the changeling. I was a little confused about the timeline of everything. It the second story, you mentioned that it was 15 years later and she was almost 16. However, in the introduction, you somehow made her seem like she was older than an infant. You may also want to give the story another read through aloud. I wasn't really searching for any typos but I did find one: "he began to led her through." I think you meant, "he began to lead her through." Other than that, the stories were absolutely wonderful. Great storybook!
ReplyDeleteHi Amanda!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story! The introduction was so interesting. It sets up the story really well. Right away I want to keep reading and wanting to know more. I kept asking questions to myself throughout reading because I was so interested. The reason I chose to read your story was because I love stories about princesses and as soon as I clicked on your storybook, your pictures drew me in. The way everything is set it s really organized and clean. The pictures work great with the story. I think the only thing I would suggest if spell checking. I was not intentionally looking for any sort of typos but just had caught some. That is something I also need to work on. And also just going with a clear timeline. The timeline of the stories threw me off a little but I am sure I understand what you were going for.
Hey Amanda!
ReplyDeleteI read your story a few weeks ago! I love the addition you added at the end of the second story! I love that you ended the story on such a cliff hanger. The guy that looks like Keaira and appears to be more similar to her than her family!
I like how this story has a Disney's Tangled feel to it! As I am reading, I am excited to see where the town is and what she thinks!
I love how the story is set up for love! I always enjoy reading a story with a love component. I just hope these two aren't brother and sister...I really enjoyed reading your story, and I can't wait to get to read the last part!
I like how you have a mix of stories influencing the story you are writing! I haven't read any of those stories, but I think I would like to now!
Hey Amanda,
ReplyDeleteI loved your introduction!! I had not gotten the chance to read it yet or any of your stories. You definitely made me start wondering more and more about your stories. What happened before the introduction? I feel as if you did a great job starting off with some type of mystery that really made me want to keep reading more. I also enjoyed how organized your storybook was as well. I thought that it was easy to navigate and fit the theme very well. If I was to make any changed I would just revise and read things out loud. One of your first lines in the story sounded a bit odd when I read it out loud, but other than that I didn't notice too much of anything else. I would also maybe add a character introduction, just so we know who to expect in the stories to come? I find it easier to have character descriptions. Anyways, I hope I am able to read more of your storybooks. Great job!
Amanda,
ReplyDeleteI’m glad I got to come back to this story. I loved the way its developed and it is so dramatic! I like the little cliff hangers as well because it just makes it all the more interesting. I really like that we can get into her thoughts too and you distinguish that by adding italics. Are you going to write a fourth story? I would love to read about what happens to the boy and Keaira. There were some places where commas weren’t necessary. For example, the last sentence of the first paragraph, there doesn’t need to be a comma before when. If you want to break it up just delete the comma and when, since “suddenly…” can stand on its own. And maybe instead of “protections,” use the word “precautions,” of course these are just suggestions. Other than that this story has turned out so great! Good luck!
Hi Amanda! I was so glad to see that you had posted a new story so I could read it for my free choice this week.
ReplyDeleteSo! Let's start. I'm not sure if it was just me, but I got a little bit confused when Carissa ran off to tell the Queen. For a moment, I thought Keaira was doing that. I may have just gotten too excited and read fast, but it would be worth reading over again just to see if there are any extra character markers you can throw in there. I liked the Queen's castle and name. However I again was a bit confused during their discussion. Breen is Brianna right? Is that her fairy name versus her imposter princess name? Should Keaira really be Brianna then? And was the boy Keaira met her brother? Because to me, it initially felt more like a love interest set-up than a missing sibling meeting. I also would love just a bit more about whatever land deal the king made with the fairies, unless it would spoil your future plans. Regardless, I was very intrigued by this entry, and I am very excited to see what happens next. I'll be back again soon!
I read your story introduction the first week and I am really glad that I came back to it. I really enjoyed getting back into your story and find out more about why the princess was stolen. I must say I really enjoyed what I read and thought you did a good job at creating your story. You did a good job and building your character and your world in such a small amount of words. The story was so much fun to read. I am glad that I waited to read your story now because I don’t think I would have wanted to wait a few weeks to get the next part of the story. I guess I do have to wait to get the ending, but that won’t be too bad. I think that over all everything was well written and well paced. Everything flowed nicely together and it was a very good read.
ReplyDeleteHey Amanda! It's always a pleasure to read more of your story! Every time I read some, I can't wait to read more! I am very sad that the prince is Keaira's brother! I was hoping he could be a love interest. I do suppose it adds to the irony though. She meets another human that looks just like her because he is actually her brother. I don't quite understand the part about Breen and the beloved princess Brianna. Is this a new character? Or should I know this character? It's been a while since I read the first parts, but I don't remember a Breen.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are planning on writing another section to finish up the story so I can find out what happens in the end! I hope the king doesn't get assassinated. Is Breen a faerie that is disguised as a human to assassinate the king? That would make sense if that were the case!
Awesome job!
Amanda,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your writing! I am sad that it is now week 15 and I am just now starting to see what an amazing writer you are.
You have an ability to write a story with so much suspense – I know that as a writer that is super hard to do and I am taking notes out of your page! I would love to get to know Lenna and Carissa better and their motives behind snatching this poor princess!
I think there could be more descriptions about them because the rest of your story is so vivid and well thought out. I think that you did a great job and looking through the rest of your storybook from this semester you seem to have put a lot of thought into what you are writing. Congrats and well done! You have so much to be proud of from this semester, Amanda!
Erin
First off, great introduction! It really captures the readers’ attention. At first, I thought I was reading the story and not the intro, but then I quickly realized. It made me want to keep reading. You used great imagery and details throughout the story.
ReplyDeleteI can’t think of anything that I would suggest changing. It seems like at this point in the semester, most things should be ironed out by now. The story has a great flow to it. There’s lots of emotion throughout. You can definitely feel the confusion in Keaira and Carissa. I like that you had Carissa begin to get attached to Keaira. After 15 years, I think that would be difficult not to. I hope they both get a happy ending in the end. Great work with your story! I look forward to reading the final story! Keep up the great work.
I am so glad I was able to finish reading your story. I think that you did sucha good job with your story book, and I really enjoyed reading all of it. I liked how suspenseful the last story was. I think that your writing style is similar to some of the authors I like to read. That is probably why I have loved reading your stories this semester. I think for the last story, before the prince comes in and confronts the changeling, there needs to be some more incriminating dialogue between breen and keaira. I think that what breen said before the prince comes in isn’t enough for him to automatically distrust her, especially since he thought she was his sister his whole live. Maybe have her explicitly say what she is planning to do to the prince, that way he has some solid reason to believe she is not who she says she is. Other than that I thought it was an overall good story!
ReplyDelete